Why do we, as a society, avoid hard topics? Is it to guard our hearts? Because we don’t know how to process our emotions? Were we taught to keep our troubles private?

In the age of social media, we put on a good show. We post the perfect pictures and share our happy moments.

We all have tough seasons! Why don’t we share the difficulty of life? Why don’t we share the good AND the bad?

For me, writing is therapeutic. It’s how I learned to name my emotions and work through traumatic events. It just feels natural.

When I read blogs or social media posts I can relate to, I feel comforted and less isolated. That’s what I hope to achieve with this blog, Freedom Inspired Wellness.

Miscarriage and stillbirth (or anything related to the female reproductive system) are taboo topics. I suppose we don’t know how to start the dialogue. We simply don’t know what to say and we definitely don’t want to say anything that might offend someone.

And that’s ok.

It’s a time for learning.

Through my journey, many women have reached out to tell me their stories. So many stories! So many women who have dealt with loss.

Some express relief after telling their story and say things like…

“wow, I’ve never told anyone that” or “I haven’t talked about that since it happened.”

The problem with that is…grief doesn’t just disappear.

The loss of a child, at any stage of gestation, is awful! However, people still don’t know how to express emotion and we rarely talk about the impact it has on the life of the families who experience it.

We all experience loss in different ways. There is no right or wrong way to cope with it.

It is amazing how many people feel this pain and grieve alone, believing society doesn’t want or need to hear about their troubles.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

I want you to know…YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

God is good, all the time! God is with you ALL THE TIME!

I am here to listen! There are women out there who want to and need to hear you, just as much as you need be heard.

Grieving parents want people to acknowledge their unbearable heartache. At the same time, we don’t want to speak of it publicly, for fear of awkwardly crying in front of others or being judged.

We somehow need our community to rally around us and give us space at the same time.

I know…It’s a lot to ask.

Some days we desperately need social interaction. Other days we need solitude. It’s a balancing act that WE don’t even understand.

And it is 💯 ok to feel this way.

Allow yourselves time.

Permit yourselves to feel the feelings! Talk if you want to talk. Get help if you need help. Be alone when you need silence. You do you!

Kevin and I are fortunate! Ironic thing to say at a time like this…I KNOW!

Our tribe has done a fantastic job! I don’t have the words to express how much we appreciate everything everyone has done.

One of my childhood friends sent me a care package from Lullaby of Hope. It came with a devotional, “Grieving The Child I Never Knew” by Kathe Wunnenberg, this devotional spoke to me. It spans a variety of topics dealing with losing a child.

Lullaby of Hope is a non-profit ministry that comforts women in their time of grief and helps them hold onto faith.

It is easy to fall from faith during times of struggle.

In my experience God holds onto me, rocking me…soothing me…all I have to do is let Him. He’s also rocking the babies; this comforts me.

I wish I were rocking Rowan! But it if I can’t…who better than Jesus?!

 

In the spirit of sharing real raw emotion that far too many of you may understand, I’m going to share a journal entry. A letter I wrote to Rowan.

Rowan,

Our sweet baby. We love you!

I am so sorry I couldn’t protect you.

We were so excited to watch you grow. The first time we saw your heartbeat was at 6 weeks. Everything we had prayed for was right there on that ultrasound. Every two weeks, while the Doctors were looking for a hemorrhage,  Mommy and Daddy were mesmerized by how fast you were growing and in awe of how active you were.  As we entered our second trimester and the hemorrhage seemed to disappear, we celebrated! Our dream seemed to becoming a reality.

We eagerly shared the news with everyone.

I felt you grow, I felt you move.

I felt you struggle and I felt you slip away.

I am so sorry; I couldn’t save you.

How is the world still turning? For us, time stopped the moment your earthly life ended.

We are trying to figure out how to navigate without you. It’s painful.

We love you! We love you so very much!!!

We will see you again. That day will be so sweet.

Rock with Jesus, my sweet baby, rock with Jesus.

Love Always,

Mommy

Tough stuff, right?!

Good news! We can acknowledge tough stuff happens, respect each other, support each other AND bring our communities closer together. We have that power!

People keep telling me I’m brave and strong. I don’t feel like I’m either, I feel defeated.

What I think they are referring to is perseverance.

The truth is…I don’t have a choice.

Life has dealt me some difficult hands. Cancer, infertility, Rowan. Life has also given me the opportunity to continue living. Where there is life, there is hope. Hope is what I’m hanging onto. Hope leads to faith; faith leads me to Jesus.

It doesn’t get any sweeter than that!

Rock on friends.