As Americans, we have an unalienable right to the pursuit of happiness.
Happiness…where do you find it? Do you have to find it? Does it find you?
Most of my adult life I have tried to find things that make me happy. I had an idea of how happiness would feel. Of course, I’ve experienced happiness!  But I’m talking about a perpetual bliss kind of happiness. I imagine waking up with a smile on my face, enjoying every moment of my day, and going to bed with a sense of accomplishment every night. Instead, I wake up groggy and I can’t really enjoy much until I have a cup of coffee. Then I go about my day enjoying some moments…dreading others…but most of the time I feel indifferent and go to bed exhausted.
I thought I needed to find the perfect career, husband, house, hobby, friends and create the perfect life.
Does perfection even exist?!
Reality check! I have a great career, a wonderful husband, gorgeous house, fun hobbies (I’m even good at some of them), amazing friends and a perfectly imperfect life. Seriously! I love my life!
It wasn’t until I did these 8 things that I started to find fulfillment.
1. Banish the idea of perfectionism and perpetual happiness. They are unattainable.
Happiness is a feeling. All feelings are valid and I shouldn’t be afraid to deal with them as they arise. Confronting my feelings helped me find peace and ease my anxiety.
2. It’s ok to be content. I used to think contentment was the place hopes and dreams went to die. I feared I would become complacent in contentment. Once I became comfortable with the idea, daily life seemed so much more fulfilling.
3. Let go of fear! Fear is natural, but man…it can really hold me back. Fear of disappointment was my biggest deterrent. Fear of failure was another. This goes along with my perfectionism mentality. If I were not going to be good at it, I wouldn’t try.
Instead, I started embracing my fears and failure was rampant. But the world didn’t end! In fact, my failures led to new experiences and lots of laughter.
4. Unrealistic expectations! Get rid of them! They will kill your relationships and make you bitter.
Expectations are necessary. They help us navigate our dreams. But unrealistic expectations will demolish your relationships. A friend once said, Lower your expectations! Wake up in the morning expecting salad, if you get steak you’ll be ecstatic. She’s so smart! Until that moment I hadn’t considered how my expectations were shaping my happiness.
In premarital counseling, we had the same conversation. The preacher talked about clearly communicating your expectations. If I expect my husband to put his clothes in the hamper, but I never tell him that, then I’m setting him up for failure. I might get mad that he just throws his clothes on the floor. But I can only be mad at myself if I did not communicate that expectation.
You have to do that with yourself too. Try saying things out loud and then rationalize. For example, I expect my house to stay clean all the time. (BTW, this is or was a real expectation of mine. To be honest I’m having a hard time letting this one go.) Then talk through the reality of the situation. I have a Newfoundland that weighs 135 pounds; he slobbers a lot (like I find slobber on the ceiling and walls a lot), he brings in tons of dirt and sheds like crazy. Does it sound like my house is always clean? No, sadly it’s not.  But that big slobbery dog brings us so much joy! So I try to set that expectation aside.
Realistic expectations are essential!
5. Play! Why do we stop playing? It’s so fun!!! It’s soul freeing. I play with my dogs on a daily and love to play bubbles and swing with my sweet nieces. Seeing their joy makes my heart smile.
It’s important to incorporate play into your day; however that resonates with you.
6. Get moving. Exercise? Maybe. I don’t think it really matters how you move. Just move EVERY DAY. I’m talking about a purposeful time of movement, not just your everyday activities.  Lately, I’ve been into morning yoga. Sometimes I go for a walk and soak up some sunshine. At least 4 Days a week I exercise (cardio, HIIT, weight training, kickboxing…whatever I feel like doing). We all know the benefits of moving. No excuses. Just do it.
7. Daily prayer and meditation. I’ve always prayed. When I added in a time for prayer and learned how to meditate; every aspect of my life improved. I became more in tune with myself and my surroundings.  I was able to let Jesus take my worries. I became kinder and less judgmental. I learned patience (although I’m definitely not a master of patience).
Meditation took a lot of practice for me. I used guided meditation for several months, on days I have trouble I still do. There are several apps you can use to help.
This doesn’t have to take a lot of time. 5-10 minutes. I try to do 5 minutes first thing in the morning and again before I go to bed.
8. Learn to love yourself! This is life changing!!! I am, so often, my own worst enemy. I judge myself hard!
There are things I’d like to change about myself. I had to realize it’s ok to love myself just as I am while I work on self-improvement.
Love yourself! Love others! Be kind! Happiness will follow. The pursuit of happiness is evolving. It’s an individual journey. Do not compare your journey to others; this will derail your progress.
The best advice I’ve ever received came from an 83-year-old man. He said, stop looking for happiness. It’s already within you! All you have to do is let it out.
