Cancer is hard! It’s hard for the cancer patient and the people in our lives. Here are 8 things people fighting cancer wish you knew…
1. If you become overly emotional, we will feel the need to comfort you. When I was sick, I often felt responsible for people’s emotion over my illness. This lead to me stuffing my feelings deep inside and desperately trying to comfort them.
I learned early on that people can’t handle the truth when it comes to terminal illness. When I was first diagnosed, I sat down with my sister to talk about the news. She asked me what was going to happen. I replied with, “well I’m probably going to die.” And I really thought I was! But that’s not what she needed to hear, and I instantly saw the pain on her face. From then on, in an effort to avoid similar awkward moments, I would sugar coat things and try to make people feel better about my situation.
2. DO NOT recommend unproven treatments! You know, the all natural whatever so and so used to cure what’s his name. This is definitely not helpful! It IS helpful to let them know you’re thinking of them but let the doctors provide treatment.
3. People often say, I know how you feel. Don’t do that! Because how could you?! Even IF you had been through the exact same thing, do you really think you know how they feel? No…you don’t!
Look, I know this is meant to be sympathetic, But it’s really not. So instead try asking, Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling? If they say yes, great! Then listen!!! Sometimes all we need is someone to listen. If they say no or seem uncomfortable, respect their privacy! Maybe let them know you’ll be available when they are ready.
4. Don’t say, “you’ll be fine,”or “you’re strong, you can beat this.” Because they might not be fine and strength has very little to do with beating cancer. I know these statements are meant to be encouraging. Please DO be encouraging! Use positive words without giving false hope.
5. Don’t judge or offer unsolicited advice! Everyone handles illness differently. There’s really no right or wrong way.
The thing I was judged most on was my hair. I shaved my head when I started losing my hair; I walked around with a bald head for a really long time…people could not understand why I wouldn’t wear a wig. Because they are HOT, that’s why. My body was like a furnace and I was extremely uncomfortable…I really didn’t care what I looked like. But I literally heard about wigs from EVERYONE! Even strangers offered advice on wigs.
6. Be kind and Be forgiving, emotions run high, and steroids suck. I received a lot of steroids with chemo; I wasn’t exactly a picnic to be around.
7. Treat them normally; I hated being treated like a sick person. I wanted to laugh and enjoy life; you know…be a normal kid. Luckily I had some amazing friends/family who treated me perfectly normal.
8. We don’t expect you to know what to say! It’s ok to just give a hug, hold a hand or whatever. We appreciate all gestures of love and acceptance.
Cancer is hard…
Things you can do to help include; Make a meal or better yet, start a meal train. Go to appointments or chauffeur kids while they are at appointments. Offer to run errands or do chores. Ask them what they need and insist on helping. It’s hard to accept help sometimes, so be persistent while respecting their space.
(I know it’s hard…cancer is hard)