Kevin and I had a whirlwind romance followed by engagement and marriage all within a year of our first date. When you know, you know…right?! Anyway, we went into marriage with excitement about immediately starting a family.

When I was diagnosed with cancer I was told the chemo could cause fertility issues.  At the time we were more concerned with living than creating life. When I reached remission I was told to avoid pregnancy for 5 years. I did. I told my OBGYN but he wasn’t concerned. He suggested we try for a year,  if we hadn’t conceived he’d run some tests.

We had a fun year! …but no baby 😞

WARNING: crazy fertility stuff ahead…

The Dr. ran some preliminary tests and found a couple very large (like golf ball size) cysts on my ovaries. I had no idea they were there! I thought it was so strange, I didn’t have any pain. We had them removed.  Turns out I felt a whole lot better…this is when I realized I wasn’t in tune with my body at all.

Next we started clomid with timed intercourse (so much for fun…this was work). After 3 rounds we switched to clomid with IUI (new ballgame, a very stressful time consuming ballgame).  After 3 cycles of nothing we took a break.

I went on a diet and lost 40 pounds…because doctors blame everything they don’t understand on weight.

As if infertility wasn’t hard enough, being chastised and blamed for your own infertility [by one of my OBGYNs partners] was devastating.

After meeting with our Dr and establishing boundaries [never having to see the rude Dr again] we resumed fertility treatments with femara plus hcg and IUI. We did 6 cycles, each cycle had beautiful follicles, wonderful sperm count, confirmed ovulation and motility of champions. Still NOTHING!  We had a choice to do ivf at this point.  We agonized over this. But the clinic is 2 hours away, IVF treatments are extremely stressful, we work full time and IVF seemed completely overwhelming… it’s just not for us.

I was physically and emotionally exhausted, those drugs totally messed with me!

I had talked to Kevin about foster care so many times but he wasn’t ready. We both felt strange about private adoption…So many kids need homes in our area. I waited, prayed and continued treatments 😒

After our 16th medicated cycle I was defeated and so done. I cried, Kevin cried…we prayed.

Infertility is humiliating and lonely. People don’t understand their own fertility, it’s hard to understand someone else’s. My sister had 2 healthy babies…sweet precious little babies…on accident. Everyone around me seemed to be pregnant.  I was happy for them. Sad for me.  I cried a lot! Like I didn’t wear makeup for months a lot…there was no point, I’d just cry it off.

Kevin came to me one Sunday morning and said, I think we should start the foster care process. PRAYER ANSWERED, I was thrilled!

We started the process to become foster parents 7 months ago. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel and should be an open foster home soon. We still hope to have a biological child, but we know we are called to be foster parents and eventually adoptive parents! God has a plan.